The 2 Mindsets Key to Happy Life + Travel Overseas
After a lot of experience traveling and living across 5 of Earth’s continents, we took some time to think about what it really takes to venture and live in new places successfully. Whether you speak the language or not or share some or none of the cultural norms, the 2 key to finding and keeping joy in your adventures are 1) accepting - even embracing! - that you’re not going to “fit in” and that 2) things are not going to go as you expected quite often (and that is part of the fun)!
Mindset 1: Embrace Your Inevitable Oddity
Travelers are often advised to try to fit in, usually for security reasons - and of course there is truth in that. Speaking loudly in English in a sketchy neighborhood in some far away downtown does single you out as a potentially more worthwhile pickpocketing target.
However, the other truth is that in some (most) places, you simply are not going to “blend in”. The reasons are many and varied: your language, your clothes, your height, your hair color … the list goes on. You’ve got to learn to be OK with standing out and being noticed for your differences. You may not know how to say something, or how to do something - and there is no shame in that!
For some of us, this is easy: we are already geared to care little about what others think of us. For others who care deeply about the impressions they make, growing your tolerance for “looking the fool” will be the greatest investment in your own happiness, especially in a life lived overseas. Remember: You are a brave soul venturing into your unknown. All you should be is proud! If this doesn’t help you feel less embarrassed, remember that the vast majority of the time you will never encounter the strangers you’re embarrassed around again in your life!
This does not mean that you should not TRY to do things “as the locals do”, firstly to show respect for their culture and way of life and secondly to make your life easier. Everywhere we’ve traveled, one truth is universal: people greatly appreciate you trying your best (with their language, dress, dance, or anything else) and doing so with kindness. Starting every interaction with self-deprecation, humility, and a huge grin goes so far no matter where you are in the world. Mum habitually starts every conversation with “Lo siento! Mi espanol es terrible!” (Sorry! My Spanish is terrible!), and got through most of her first year in Mexico miming shapes and pointing at things while smiling! Just trying is endlessly better than stating you don’t speak their language, tacitly implying you expect them to speak yours (when you’re in their country).
Mindset 2: Expect to be Surprised
If you’re used to everything going the way you thought it would, or the way it has always and feeling 100% in control, focus your mindset shift here! As a rule, you’ll be so much happier if you expect things to go somewhat sideways - and you can be pleasantly and joyously surprised when they don’t!
Sometimes things “go sideways” because the culture where you are is just different; for example, timeliness and prompt service are not universally valued. Other things, its your own “user error” to blame - e.g., Mum’s bad/mumbled Spanish resulting in surprising dishes at the restaurant table. But its always been OK in the end! Have the confidence to know that you have what it takes to solve the problem or get out of the situation, and the humility to ask for help in doing so.
When you arrive somewhere new, don’t “import” your expectations. Before you walk out the door, make an effort to keep your expectations in check. Add a whole dollop of flexibility to your every expectation and you will be much happier. The coffee that takes 2 minutes to get at Starbucks in the US is going to take 20 minutes sometimes. It just is and being frustrated by it doesn’t make it faster. It may ALSO be more delicious, too!
Reflections: Humility, Curiosity, Flexibility & Self-Confidence
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference”
International travel and life is not the choice made be most people. Many people might travel if they could but don’t have the means. Many absolutely do have the means but choose to stay where they are, scared to look foolish or be uncomfortable, unwilling to accept and traverse deviations from their expectations.
You’ve chosen the road less travelled. Some things will just be harder for you. You’ll be uncomfortable and embarrassed and disappointed at times but difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. So: Be humble. Be flexible. Stay curious. Believe in yourself. You are living the dream (even though sometimes, in the very midst of difficult moments, we know it doesn’t feel that way!)